Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc.........
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that.....
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Chinese Names
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller:No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It is urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone, but what is this urgent matter about?
Caller: @#$... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital.Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! What is your name?
Operator: I am Saw Lee(sorry)!
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!! #@$%^#
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller:No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It is urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone, but what is this urgent matter about?
Caller: @#$... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital.Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! What is your name?
Operator: I am Saw Lee(sorry)!
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!! #@$%^#
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian
1. You can name all the players from the the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia , one name also cannot come out.
2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah.
3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.
4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE , run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.
5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.
6. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.
7. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to a American / British / Australian.
8. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.
9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queueing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.
10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.
11. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.
12. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.
13. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say 'Wah! Very clever hor?' When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say 'Aiya! Of course lah!
He Malay mah!'
14. When an angmoh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.
2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah.
3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.
4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE , run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.
5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.
6. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.
7. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to a American / British / Australian.
8. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.
9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queueing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.
10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.
11. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.
12. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.
13. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say 'Wah! Very clever hor?' When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say 'Aiya! Of course lah!
He Malay mah!'
14. When an angmoh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.
China chinese VS Malaysia chinese
中国人 ：今晚你有空吗？我没空！
马来西亚华人 ：今晚你得不得空？我不得空！
中国人 ：饼干受潮了…。
马来西亚华人 ：饼干'漏风'了…。
中国人 ：从上海去苏州要多少个小时？
马来西亚华人：从上海去苏州要几粒钟？
中国人 ：难道他不可以来吗？
马来西亚华人：你不给他不来啊？
中国人 ：周杰伦不喜欢穿内裤。
马来西亚华人：周杰伦不喜欢穿底裤。
中国人 ：我一向都是这样的
马来西亚人：我一路来都是这样的啦
中国人 ：我的手机掉进沟渠了。
马来西亚华人：我的手机掉进龙沟了。
中国人 ：这样你不是很不值得吗？
马来西亚华人：这样你'马'很不 '歹'？
中国人 ：你真是聪明！
马来西亚华人：你真是pan nai！(源自马来语pandai，聪明的意思)
中国人 ：你安静！
马来西亚华人：你diam diam！(源自马来语diam，安静的意思)
中国人 ：我要去银行取款。
马来西亚华人：我要去银行'按钱'。
中国人 ：为什么？
马来西亚华人：做么？
中国人 ：你很强~
马来西亚华人：你很够力~
中国人 ：明天也叫他一起去吧！
马来西亚华人：明天叫'埋'他一起去！
中国人 ：我很郁闷~~~
马来西亚华人：我很'显'（sien）啊~~~~（'显'比郁闷的境界更高）
中国人 ：你再说我就打你！
马来西亚华人：你再说我就hood你！（有点粗俗的）
中国人 ：你在说什么？
马来西亚华人：你在说sommok？
中国人 ：你不要令我丢脸~
马来西亚华人：你不要'下水'我~
中国人 ：真被你气到…。
马来西亚华人：被你炸到…。
中国人 ：你别乱来~
马来西亚华人：你表乱乱来~
中国人 ：你很无聊
马来西亚华人：你很废
中国人 ：XX你
马来西亚华人：Kanasai（意思是像大便一样，骂人的话）
中国人 ：迫切
马来西亚华人：bek chek
中国人 ：我们一起吃这碗面~
马来西亚华人：我们'公司'吃这碗面~（源自马来语的kongsi，就是一起分享的意思）
中国人 ：我们结婚吧！
马来西亚华人：我们结'分'吧！（'婚'字受粤语影响，所以音不标准）
中国人 ：今天的天气很热~
马来西亚华人：今天的天气热到。。。。。。。。。。。。。。~~~~~~~（'到'字要拉
长，然后没有下文了）
中国人 ：哇!
马来西亚华人：哇捞weh!!!!
中国人 ：我受不了他！
马来西亚华人：我behtahan他！
马来西亚华人 ：今晚你得不得空？我不得空！
中国人 ：饼干受潮了…。
马来西亚华人 ：饼干'漏风'了…。
中国人 ：从上海去苏州要多少个小时？
马来西亚华人：从上海去苏州要几粒钟？
中国人 ：难道他不可以来吗？
马来西亚华人：你不给他不来啊？
中国人 ：周杰伦不喜欢穿内裤。
马来西亚华人：周杰伦不喜欢穿底裤。
中国人 ：我一向都是这样的
马来西亚人：我一路来都是这样的啦
中国人 ：我的手机掉进沟渠了。
马来西亚华人：我的手机掉进龙沟了。
中国人 ：这样你不是很不值得吗？
马来西亚华人：这样你'马'很不 '歹'？
中国人 ：你真是聪明！
马来西亚华人：你真是pan nai！(源自马来语pandai，聪明的意思)
中国人 ：你安静！
马来西亚华人：你diam diam！(源自马来语diam，安静的意思)
中国人 ：我要去银行取款。
马来西亚华人：我要去银行'按钱'。
中国人 ：为什么？
马来西亚华人：做么？
中国人 ：你很强~
马来西亚华人：你很够力~
中国人 ：明天也叫他一起去吧！
马来西亚华人：明天叫'埋'他一起去！
中国人 ：我很郁闷~~~
马来西亚华人：我很'显'（sien）啊~~~~（'显'比郁闷的境界更高）
中国人 ：你再说我就打你！
马来西亚华人：你再说我就hood你！（有点粗俗的）
中国人 ：你在说什么？
马来西亚华人：你在说sommok？
中国人 ：你不要令我丢脸~
马来西亚华人：你不要'下水'我~
中国人 ：真被你气到…。
马来西亚华人：被你炸到…。
中国人 ：你别乱来~
马来西亚华人：你表乱乱来~
中国人 ：你很无聊
马来西亚华人：你很废
中国人 ：XX你
马来西亚华人：Kanasai（意思是像大便一样，骂人的话）
中国人 ：迫切
马来西亚华人：bek chek
中国人 ：我们一起吃这碗面~
马来西亚华人：我们'公司'吃这碗面~（源自马来语的kongsi，就是一起分享的意思）
中国人 ：我们结婚吧！
马来西亚华人：我们结'分'吧！（'婚'字受粤语影响，所以音不标准）
中国人 ：今天的天气很热~
马来西亚华人：今天的天气热到。。。。。。。。。。。。。。~~~~~~~（'到'字要拉
长，然后没有下文了）
中国人 ：哇!
马来西亚华人：哇捞weh!!!!
中国人 ：我受不了他！
马来西亚华人：我behtahan他！
Monday, March 23, 2009
Who Clever?(In Malay)
Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu..
Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?
Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!
Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?
Murid : Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid : (senyap)
Cikgu : Pandai!
Murid : Bodoh!
Cikgu : Tinggi!
Murid : Rendah!
Cikgu : Jauh!
Murid : Dekat!
Cikgu : Keadilan!
Murid : UMNO!
Cikgu : Salah!
Murid : Betul!
Cikgu : Bodoh!
Murid : Pandai!
Cikgu : Bukan!
Murid : Ya!
Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!
Murid : Oh Hamba!
Cikgu : Dengar ini!
Murid : Dengar itu!
Cikgu : Diam!
Murid : Bising!
Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu : Mati aku!
Murid : Hidup kami!
Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!
Murid : Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
Cikgu : Kamu gila!
Murid : Kami siuman!
Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!
Murid : Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!
Murid : Belum! Belum!
Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!
Murid : Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu : Kurang ajar!
Murid : Cukup ajar!
Cikgu : Habis aku!
Murid : Kekal kami!
Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!
Murid : Belum, pandai!
Cikgu : Berdiri!
Murid : Duduk!
Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!
Murid : Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu : Rosak!
Murid : Baik!
Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical reco rds show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical reco rds show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
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